Falling
by capercailiechild
Summary: A story set fifteen years in the future, about Abby and Luka's kids, and their experiences along the road.
1. Default Chapter

AN: Told from Abby's POV, about fifteen years in the future

AN: Told from Abby's POV, about fifteen years in the future.Also, all medications are made up.

"Luka," I whispered, "Luka, wake up."  
Luka rolled over and looked at me.Moonlight was streaming in through the windows, and it chiseled his face in places, making him look like the grandfather in _The Nutcrackerballet. "What?" he asked, sleepily rubbing his eyes._

"Someone is singing," I said quietly.

Luka listened for a moment.A childish voice was singing "Deck the Halls."I peered outside but saw no one, just some snowflakes, adding to the inches on the ground.Luka looked at me and I looked back at him, and we both came to the same conclusion at once. "Maggie."

Our daughter, thirteen-year-old Maggie, is severely bipolar, the only bipolar one of the four.She's usually off in her own world, but occasionally comes out.Tonight must have been one of those exceptions.

Luka and I crept downstairs, trying not to wake 11-year-old Daniel and 9-year-old Jacob, who have the room next to the stairs.Our other daughter, 15-year-old Olivia, sleeps near the end of the hall, and wouldn't have woken up anyway.

Maggie was sitting on the front porch, wearing her nightgown, slippers, and a heavy sweater that I recognized as Olivia's. "Hi, Maggie," I said, sitting down next to her on the steps.Her face was pale and her lips looked blue. "What are you doing outside?"

"Singing," she said, and her blue lips smiled. "It's so pretty outside."

"It's also _cold," I said, shivering even inside my flannel Pj's and heavy wool coat._

"But it's pretty," she said sleepily.

Luka came out with a blanket. "Abby, get her in the car.We need to get her to the hospital, she could have hypothermia."

"I'll go," I offered. "You stay here with the boys and Olivia."

"You could be all night."  
"It's okay, I'm not on until noon tomorrow.Besides, Daniel needs someone to give him his pills tomorrow morning."

Our 11-year-old son, Daniel, is very sickly and has almost continual lung problems.He adores Maggie.

"All right," he said, and kissed me good-bye, handing me the keys to the car.

I lifted Maggie in my arms; a small feat because she only weighs ninety pounds, and loaded her in the van, buckling her seatbelt.She looked even bluer than before, but I didn't say anything.

Had she been locked out?Was that why she was singing?But why was she outside in the first place?  
"Maggie, what were you doing outside?" I asked, pulling away from the now-dark house.

"Looking for Butterball," she answered drowsily.

"Butterball?" I asked, puzzled.

"The kitty," Maggie answered.

"Oh," I said.We had once had a cat, and its name was Butterball, but it was dead.We had tried keeping another cat, named Snowflake, but it had also died. "Maggie, Butterball is dead.We buried him in the old house on McKinley Street, remember?"

"Dead," she sighed contentedly. "Dead, dead, dead."

That was the last I heard from her until we pulled up at County. "Hospital," she said slowly. "Do I have to see Dr. Erickson?"  
"No." Dr. Erickson is Maggie's psychiatrist.

I carried her into the ER, going through the sliding doors.Malucci was on, and he looked up at me as I came in.I probably looked a wreck, my short hair uncombed and rustled by sleep, wearing my pajamas, tennis shoes, and coat. "Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Malucci asked, coming over.

"Thirteen-year-old severely bipolar female, possible hypothermia.Delusional, possible fever due to a virus."

"What meds is she on?" Malucci asked, trying to set Maggie on a gurney.

"Uh, lithium, Dopikate, Civilan, Trilisan, and Markan." Maggie grabbed at my coat.

"Mom, Mom, Mom!" she started screaming.

Malik and Lydia came over. "Hey, it's Maggie," Malik said.

I tried to pry Maggie off my coat. "Maggie, look, it's Malik."

But Maggie wouldn't stop screaming. "Mom, no!" she shrieked. "Let go of me, let go of me!I hate you, I hate you!" Her arms grabbed at whatever she could hold, hitting Lydia nearly in the face. "Shut up!"

"Maggie, nothing's wrong, calm down!" I said.

"Shut up!" she cried.

I would have been offended, except that I knew she was having a manic episode.It happens occasionally.

Malik took her temperature. "104.5," he reported to Malucci.

"Okay, let's get her into a room, monitor her vitals, warm her up, get her some other clothes."

"What's wrong with her clothes?" I asked.That's when I noticed that Maggie's clothes were soaking wet.She must have fallen.

I stood there in the hallway, watching as Malucci, Malik, and Lydia rolled Maggie away.I could hear Malucci calling for someone else to help him, and someone yelling for restraints.Yep.Maggie was manic again.


	2. Somewhere Between Waking Up and Falling ...

"Abby," someone was saying.

In my dream it was Luka, and he was telling me that he had baked me a chocolate cake with coconut icing, my favorite, and that we were going to Florida to live there, and that Maggie wasn't bipolar anymore.Then Luka stared straight at me, and his voice sounded a lot like Kerry Weaver's.

"Abby," Luka said in Kerry's voice.

Then I woke up and Kerry was standing in front of me. "Abby, are you all right?"  
"How's Maggie?" I asked in reply.

"She had taken an overdose of Civilan," Kerry said, "and she was hypothermic.Her fever is down now, and we've started her on antibiotics.She's also had charcoal."

"Any seizures?" I asked.Maggie seizes occasionally, especially when her medication dosage is wrong.

"Two."

"How much Ativan?"

"Eight milligrams."

"Not bad."

"Abby, how did she get an overdose of Civilan?" Kerry asked, fixing a cup of coffee.  
"I don't know," I answered. "Maggie and our son Daniel both take pills, but because Maggie has strange tendencies towards medication, we lock them in a cabinet, and only Luka and I have keys."

"Where do you keep the keys?"  
"I wear mine on a chain around my neck, and Luka keeps his in an old cookie jar on top of the refrigerator.Why all the questions?"  
"She had 1200 milligrams in her system, Abby," Kerry answered, handing me a cup of coffee.

"Thank you," I said, gratefully accepting the coffee. "So, wait, that's forty-eight pills."

"Exactly."

"And there are only sixty in the bottle," I said. "And we've had that bottle for five days."

"So that means whoever did this left you seven pills," Kerry said, sitting down next to me. "How nice."

Hannah, one of the desk clerks, came in then. "Abby, your husband's on the phone."

I followed Hannah out to the desk. "Hi, Luka, what's going on?"  
"Olivia, Jacob, Daniel, and I were just eating breakfast, and Olivia just confessed to giving Maggie the Civilan overdose.That _waswhat's wrong with her, right?"  
"Partly," I said, and filled him in on the rest of the details, including both seizures. "How did Livvy" (our nickname for Olivia) "get the keys?"_

"She said she climbed up and took out all the papers and junk we had in there, and found the key.Then she took out the Civilan, counted out forty-eight pills, which she knew was an overdose, and dissolved them in a glass of water.Later, while taking the prescribed dose of Civilan, Maggie drank that water, and became delusional and such.She went outside, looking for Butterball, fell, and then became slightly manic.When she calmed down, she started singing, hoping to wake somebody up."

"Olivia watched the whole thing, and let her stay outside in her nightgown?" I was growing angrier with Olivia.This wasn't the first stunt she'd tried.  
"Apparently so," Luka answered.He was angry, too, I could tell, but was trying to mask it.

"How did Daniel take the news that Maggie was in the hospital again?"  
"Not well.He started wheezing, and I think his pleurisy is acting up again, so it took me twenty minutes to calm him down.We're going to go to the sled run today if I can get Jacob to stop practicing the piano for ten seconds."

Jacob, our youngest, is a piano genius, and attends St. Ludvig's Music School.He's very talented, and loves to play.But that usually means that he doesn't like to do much else.

"No, don't take them to the sled run.I want to talk to Olivia myself, and I want Daniel to see that Maggie is okay."

"She is okay, right?" Luka questioned.

"I haven't seen her yet myself, but I'm assuming that she is."

"Okay, I'll let you got then," he said. "I have to separate Daniel and Olivia.They're fighting again."

I hung up the phone, and then Malucci was standing there. "Abby, you can see Maggie now, if you want."

"Okay, that'd be great," I answered.

That was when I noticed that a little boy was following Malucci around.I recognized him as Henry, Malucci and Jing-Mei's son.He's ten now, in between Jacob and Daniel, and they love to pal around. "Hi Henry," I said.

"Hi, Abby," he said in his lisping voice. "Maggie is sick again, huh?"  
"Yes," I answered. "She is kind of sick."  
"Kiley was sick last week," Henry responded gravely, in his little-boy way. "She had the flu." Kiley is Henry's older sister; she is fourteen and goes to a dancing school on the other side of town.

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said.

Malucci showed me to Exam 2, and left me there.Henry followed after his father.I smiled, then pushed open the door.Maggie was the only patient in the room currently, and she was sleeping.She had a tube under her nose, helping her to breathe.I picked up the chart at the foot of the bed and read it, slowly.

**Patient's Name: Magdalena "Maggie" Abigail Kovac**

**Age: 13**

**Address: 1513 Guinness Road, Chicago, 515-544-4356**

**Parents/ Guardians/Contact: Abby and Luka Kovac**

**Medical Concerns: Severely bipolar**

**Current Medications: Lithium, Dopikate, Civilan, Markan, Trilisan**

**Reason for Visit: Hypothermia, spent approximately 4.5 hours outside in insufficient clothing, also running a fever of 104.5, due to virus**

**Medications / Treatment:Due to two seizures, was given 8 milligrams of Ativan, also was given 10 milligrams Ancef and 16 milligrams Agema to combat virus; charcoal was administered at 24:06, as patient had 1200 milligrams of Civilan in system.**

**Follow-up: Patient should see psychiatrist soon.Also keep on 24 milligrams Agema daily, for ten days.**

I skipped the part about her vital signs, which was boring.By that time Maggie was coming around. "Daisies, fairies, butterflies," she said, her eyes opening slowly.

"Hi, Mags," I said. "How's it going?"  
"Daisies, fairies, butterflies," she replied.

I recognized the line.It's part of a song Luka sings to her occasionally, like when she has to have an injection, which she hates.

_Daisies, fairies, butterflies_

_Fly so high, up in the sky_

_Fly with me, we'll fly away from here_

_From hate, from anger, from fear_

_ _

_Fly, fly, fly, butterfly child_

_Lift your wings and dance_

_Along the sun's horizon_

_Fly, fly, fly, butterfly girl_

_Spread your wings and lift_

_Way up in the sky_

"Where's Daddy?" she asked, her voice raspy.I supposed that they'd intubated her at one point.

"Do you remember anything about last night?"

"I was outside," she said clearly. "I was looking for Butterball, but he's dead, so that was stupid.Then I started singing and you and Daddy heard."

"Right," I answered. "What about your pills?Was anything different?"

"No.Mom, is something wrong?"  
"You had 1200 milligrams of Civilan in your system." She paused, trying to do the math. "That's forty-eight pills," I said for her.

"Oh."

"Olivia did it."

"What?"

"Olivia gave you the forty-eight pills," I said.

"No," Maggie said.

"Yes, she did.Daddy just called me, and he said that she told him about it."

"No," Maggie repeated, shaking her head. "No."

"Maggie, listen to me!She did!"

"No."

The "window of opportunity," one of the only times we can talk to Maggie, had been closed. "No, no, no, no!" she shrieked, and lunged at me.The IV ripped from the back of her hand and the tube came out from underneath her nose, but she didn't seem to notice.

"Malik, Malucci!" I called.

Malik came in, and held her back. "Maggie, Maggie, calm down," he said.

"No!" she howled, like some kind of teenage banshee. "NO!"

Malucci came in then. "Give her something to calm her down," he ordered to one of the nurses, who nodded briskly.

"No!" Maggie sobbed, and reached for me. "Mom!Mom!"

"Hold her still," Malucci instructed Malik, as he attempted to restart Maggie's IV.

Malik tried.Maggie was crying now, and shaking, trying to grab at me. "Mom, Mom," she sobbed. "Mom, please." Tears rolled down her face. "Mom, don't leave me!"

"Put her in a separate room for now," Malucci said coldly - he was getting fed up with Maggie -, "and call Psych.See if they have a bed available."


	3. Falling, Falling, Forgotten

Wandering through the supermarket, Maggie at my heels, Olivia pushing the cart, I was very content.Christmas music blared through the speakers.Everything had a holiday feel to it.It was very peaceful.

Of course, the peace never lasts ten seconds with Maggie and Olivia around.

Maggie paused before the crackers. "Can we?" she asked.That's her way of asking if we can get any.

"Yes, pick some out," I said.

"Let's get the little butterfly ones," Olivia suggested.She'd been quieter since her punishment, a two months' grounding and no phone privileges until school let out.Maggie had been quieter, too; she had been in the psychiatric ward of County for three weeks.Her medication had been altered yet _again_, but she was finally acting as normal as bipolar people get.

"No," Maggie said obstinately, and reached for a box of English water crackers. "These."

"No, I want the butterfly ones!" Olivia argued.

"Olivia, how old are you?"

"Mom, she's thirteen!"

"Olivia," I said warningly. "Buy both."

We headed down the next aisle, the cereal-Pop-Tarts aisle.Olivia reached for a box of Frosted Flakes, which she set in the cart. "How about some Rice Krispies?" Maggie asked, pointing to a display.

"Okay, one box," I agreed.

Maggie, of course, reached for a box in the _middle_ of the stack. "Maggie!" I cried, as the cereal boxes all came tumbling down about her.For a moment she was buried, then a hand stuck up.

I pulled the sobbing girl out of the rubble of Rice Krispies boxes, and hugged her to me. "It's okay, Maggie, it's okay."

I thought she was going to hurl the box at Olivia, but she just kept crying and shaking the Rice Krispies.Finally the store manager came out.His nametag read, "Robert." "What seems to be the problem here?Who are you people?"

"I'm Abby Kovac," I said, "and this is my daughter, Maggie.We're really sorry."

"You should be!" he growled obstinately. "I spent twenty minutes building this display!"

"We're really sorry," I said again, and prompted Maggie.

"Sorry," she muttered, and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Okay, put the cereal in the cart," I said, and we hurried out of the supermarket as fast as we could.

When we got home, Luka and Daniel were finishing the decoration of the tree, and Jacob was playing the piano. "How does it look, Abby?" Luka asked.

"Gorgeous," I said, lugging the last bag of groceries up the steps.Olivia followed behind me.

"Where's Maggie?" Luka questioned.

"She fell asleep in the van.We had kind of an accident at the supermarket.Can you go down and get her?"

He put on his coat and went down the steps to the van.Some more snow was falling, and there was the promise of a white Christmas.The tree really did look fantastic, and Jacob was playing some kind of Greensleaves piece.It was a wonderful Christmas in the Kovac house.

When I woke up the next morning, Daniel, Olivia, and Jacob were reading the funny papers, Luka was drinking coffee, and Maggie was nowhere to be seen.

"Hi, honey," I said to Luka. "How are you, Daniel?"

"Pretty good," he answered in his raspy voice.

"Hi, Jacob," I said.

"Hi, Mommy," Jacob said, and pointed at a page of ads. "That's what I want Santa to bring me."He was pointing at a new bicycle.

"Oh, Jacob, I don't know," I said. "Santa might have other surprises you need more than a bicycle."

"But I _want_ the bicycle!" he explained.

Olivia just kept her eyes on "Marmaduke."

"How's Maggie?" I asked Luka. "Did she take her meds yet?"

"I don't know," he answered, laying down the Life section. "She was gone when we woke up, about a half hour ago.

"What?"

"I called over to Kerry's house, to see if Maggie had gone to see Eliza, but she wasn't there.I called Dave and Jing-Mei, to see if she had gone to see Kiley, but she wasn't there.Then I called Mark and Lizzie, to see if she went to see Ella, but she wasn't there.I've called Melissa, Damien, Rachael, and Hana, but no one knows where she is."

I sat down in a chair, feeling that I would faint. "What?"

"She took her coat, Abby, so she's warm.And her boots are missing, and her pajamas are on her bed, so she's dressed sufficiently.She has her hat and gloves too.And there's two bagels missing."

I was really going to faint.Maggie was missing!


	4. Falling Apart

AN: Thanks for all your feedback

AN: Thanks for all your feedback!Some of it has been, "Well, DUH!" kind of stuff for me.Like someone pointed out that OF COURSE Luka wouldn't be sitting around just la-dee-dah drinking coffee if his daughter was missing.And someone else pointed out that Olivia should have probably gone to a juvenile detention center.Thank you for all that, I took it all into consideration.Well, here comes the next chapter.

There came a knock at the door then, and I turned from the kitchen scene. Two women in blue suit-coats were standing at the door. "Hello, can I help you?"

"My name is Karen Hoyle, I'm with the Chicago Juvenile Detention Center, also known as the Grammercy Detention Center.This is my partner, Alanna Madison.Are you Abby Kovac?"

"Yes." Someone had told.Someone at the hospital had told.We had pleaded with everyone, "Please, don't tell what Olivia had done.We know she had problems, we'll put her in therapy.Just _don't tell._We know it's wrong, but we don't want Olivia to go to jail." But someone had told.

"We have an anonymous warrant," Alanna Madison said, "to take your daughter, Olivia Danijela Kovac, to the Grammercy Detention Center, for a period of up to two years as seen fit by a judge.She will be held until a court date has been set."

"When will that be?" I asked fearfully.Luka came from the kitchen to stand next to me.

"In about four days," said Karen Hoyle.

"We're very sorry," Alanna Madison added.

A male police officer came in then, and he took Olivia away.Standing out on the porch, I watched him as he put her in the car, like she was just a common criminal.

I was falling apart, falling apart.I felt like running.

Jacob came out next to me. "Where are they taking Olivia?"

"To…" Where were they taking her? I didn't know.

"Away," Luka helped me.He had brought Daniel out onto the porch, and he hugged me. "It's okay, Abby.Everything will be okay."

Everything was falling apart.Maggie was gone, Olivia had been basically arrested, Daniel was sick again, and Jacob was off in his own piano-playing world.What was going to happen to us?

That afternoon, Luka and I met up at the corner of South Street and Johnson.We had been out searching for Maggie since the morning.We'd left the boys with a kind neighbor, who always gave them cookies.It was taking my mind off Olivia. "Anything?"

"No, and I asked all the regulars.I asked the man who owns the shop where she buys her candy after school, and the woman who sweeps the floors at the community center, and her school principal, and the little old lady who feeds the ducks by the river," he answered. "You?"

"Nothing."

"I guess we'll have to check everywhere," he said with a shrug.

And suddenly I knew where she was. "Come on."

Two blocks away, on McKinley Street, was our old house.It was a large, two-story, blue house that sprawled across two lots.It had a huge backyard with a small pool, and a shed where we kept the lawn mower.But we'd moved to the house on 72nd Street just three years after we moved into the house on McKinley Street.The house on 72nd Street hadn't been bought by anyone yet.

Up the six steps to the front door.Then I reached under the fading welcome mat and pulled out a key.It had always been hidden there.Carefully I unlocked the door and stepped inside. "Maggie?"

The rooms were silent and empty.I walked carefully along the parquet foyer floor, stepping into the kitchen. "Maggie?"

Luka followed behind me, checking in the dining room with its faded raspberry carpet, and the living room with the big hardwood floor. "Maggie, are you here?"

We checked all of the first floor and the basement, and then carefully ascended the steps to the second floor.Maggie's room had been on the left, Daniel's next to hers, Jacob's across the hall, Olivia's next to Jacob's, and ours down at the far left end.Down on the far right end was a huge room with a big stained glass window that was basically a workroom or an office of some sort.During the three year period we lived in the house, it was the kids' playroom.I could still imagine them scooting their trucks along the uncovered floor, or drawing on one of the big desks we'd set up.

A lone figure stood in front of the stained glass window.Maggie stood there, securely bundled in her parka. "Mom," she said.

"Hi, honey."

Luka and I went over to her and hugged her to us. "Oh, you gave us such a scare!" Luka said.

"I know." It was an admission of guilt, plain and simple.

And as I hugged her, I never wanted this moment to end.It was some sort of victory over the evils in the world, and it was worth more than all the riches I could ever accumulate. 

People always hope for moments like these.I just wish there were more of them.There were still so many evils we had to conquer – especially Luka and I.But this moment made up for part of the horrific day.  
  



	5. Falling Down

One visit, one phone call.That was all we were allowed.This, of course, was from Karen Hoyle and Alanna Madison, Social Workers Extraordinaire.

"Your visit has been scheduled for Saturday, December 21," Karen informed Luka and I. "Your visit lasts approximately one half hour – from 10:30 until 11."

I glanced at Luka.That was Jacob's piano lesson with Mrs. O'Leary down on Chestnut Street.We would have to find a sitter for the other two. "We'll be there."

"You can take the B-11 train to Grammercy stop," Alanna Madison interjected. "Then just ask someone for directions."

"Fine," Luka said.

"And you're allowed one phone call at 4:12 this afternoon," Karen Hoyle added.She handed Luka a card with a phone number on it. "Call here and ask for her."

We were sitting in the dining room.Everyone was being very civil.Olivia's trial date was January 4th at St. Lucas County Courthouse.Also in attendance were Olivia's lawyer, Morton Seawhistle, and our lawyer, Sara Nielsen. "Well, if we're finished…" Morton Seawhistle said loudly, "my client needs me."

Morton always speaks this loudly.Maggie, Jacob, and Daniel were still sleeping, however, and Morton's voice was loud enough to wake a bull at a distance of forty feet or so. "Mr. Seawhistle, could you please keep your voice down?"

He gave me a disgusted look.

Maggie came padding into the kitchen, her eyes still filled with sleep.She had dressed herself and was wearing purple leggings and a purple flowered shirt. "Hi, Mags," I said to her.

"Hi, Mom," she answered, and went to the cupboard where we keep the cereal.

"Will Maggie be able to testify?" Sara asked Luka and I.

Luka and I exchanged glances.Maggie hadn't exactly been cognizant the night of the incident. "We'll see," I said.Luka stood to help Maggie with her meds.

Daniel came down before Morton Seawhistle could say anything.Jacob was following him.They were both dressed but didn't look quite awake, as though they'd been jolted from their sleep by something.I wondered what… Morton?  
The legal meeting was interrupted momentarily as Luka and I prepared cereal for the boys and bagels for everyone, and gave Daniel his meds.Then we settled Jacob and Daniel with X-Men on the television, and Maggie at the table.She's not allowed to eat in the living room anymore because she threw her bowl at people too much.

"We need her to testify," Sara Nielsen repeated. "She's a key witness."

"We'll see," Luka repeated, just as firmly as Sara had.

"Can you state your name and address?"

"Magdalena Abigail Kovac."

"Where do you live?" Sara tried again, gently.

"124 72nd Street, Chicago, Illinois."

"Who do you live with?"  
"Is there a point here, Miss Nielsen?" Morton Seawhistle barked.He was sweating like a pig in July, and he mopped himself with a large hanky.

"Mr. Seawhistle, pipe down or I'll hold you in contempt.Get to the point, Miss Nielsen."

Morton shut up.Sara continued, nodding at Maggie.The Judge, Melanie Walker, smiled.

"With Mom, and Dad, and Olivia and Daniel and Jacob."

"Do you love them?"

"Yes, very much."

In the back row, my mother clenched my hand in hers.She had driven down from Minnesota on New Year's Day.

"Where is your bedroom?"

"Upstairs."

"Do you share a room with Olivia?"

"No."

"How does Olivia treat you?"

"She doesn't like me."

"Why not?"  
Maggie hesitated.Her eyes tried to find me. "Because."

"Does Olivia ever want to hurt you?"

"No."

"But if she doesn't like you, how can you be certain?"

"I'm not." Maggie spoke calmly, but she looked terrified.

"Finished, Your Honor." Sara sat down.

The Honorable Judge Melanie Walker nodded. "Mr. Seawhistle, would you like to question the witness?"

"Yes, Your Honor." Mr. Seawhistle stood and approached Maggie.He spoke condescendingly, like he was talking to a preschooler.Somehow, he _knew_ it.He _knew_ Maggie was bipolar and could break apart at any minute. "So your name is Magdalena?I like that name."

From the benches we could see Maggie's lips purse.She hated her given name, and preferred to be called Maggie. "Just like Gam Maggie," she had always said, using her nickname for grandma.To Morton, she said, "I don't."

"Well, I hear you like to be called Maggie."

"Like Gam Maggie."

"Who?"

"My Gam Maggie."

I smiled at Mom.

"Oh.Are you like her?"

"My mom says I am."

My mom's man-friend, Oliver Dutton, took her hand.Although my mom swears they're _just friends_, I believe otherwise.I'm surprised "Pop-Oliver," as the kids call him, hasn't asked her to marry him yet.

"How?"

"I just am." For a 13-year-old bipolar girl, Maggie was holding her own pretty well.She still hadn't told anyone the _real_ reason she was sitting outside on the steps in 10 degree weather – she was bipolar.

"Well, you must both be pretty," Morton said. "So, Maggie, is your sister Olivia like your Gam Maggie?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Maggie's face flushed, and again her eyes tried to seek me out.Luka, Mom, Pop-Oliver, and I were sitting in a back row.Olivia sat up front at a table by Morton Seawhistle's water pitcher.Daniel was asleep on the bench next to us.Jacob was at Mrs. Lourdes' house; she was a close neighbor of ours. "Because Gam Maggie and I both have stuff wrong with us."

"Like what?" Morton pressed gently.

"Well, sometimes we both get upset – that's called manic – and sometimes we get quiet and hide away from the world.It's an emotional disorder called bipolar." I had taught her well.

My mom clutched my hand and whispered, "She's being very brave."

Morton finished his questions.Then Sara called Olivia to the stand. "Olivia, how do you feel about Maggie?"

"She's my sister." Olivia looked pale and wan in her Grammercy Detention Center jeans and denim shirt, her hair in a braid.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I have to love her."

"But you don't?"

"Leading," Morton said.

"Sustained," Judge Walker said.

"Do you love her?"

"No."

Everyone in the courtroom gasped, and Maggie's eyes grew a size or two.She gripped the table hard, her knuckles turning white.It was taking all of her energy not to stand up and run out of the room.

"She has an emotional disorder that makes it impossible to get along with her.If she's not throwing things at people, she's hiding away from everyone."

"Is it true that Maggie is on medication to help her control these emotional problems?"

"Yes."

"Do you know about this medication?"

"Yes."

In the end, Olivia was convicted of trying to poison Maggie, and was sentenced to three years at Grammercy, two years of volunteering at the Welkey-Stoltzfus Center for Emotionally Disabled Children while living at Grammercy, and four years of community service while living in a half-way house.It all added up to Olivia's teenage years going down the drain.She would be twenty-four before she was finished.


	6. Falling, Falling, Rock Bottom

Mom and Oliver were staying for awhile.It made sense to me, what with Olivia gone and Daniel so sick.He'd gone back into the hospital the day after Olivia's trial and the prognosis wasn't good.

"He has pleurisy, infection of the bronchioles and inner lung sacs, and he's in respitory failure." Kerry faced us with the grim news.

Maggie stood at the door of Daniel's isolation room, her fingertips on the glass, peering in at her beloved brother. "Go in?" she asked.

"No, you can't go in, Maggie," I answered. "Daniel has to be alone."

"No one should have to be alone," she countered.

Jacob took her hand. "I won't let you be alone, Maggie."

"Thank you, Jacob."

_And thank you, Barry Manilow, for Maggie's comment._

__Luka and I retreated with Jacob into the waiting room.Maggie refused to leave Daniel's door.I don't know why.Perhaps because she thought he would die without her.

The hours stretched on as we waited for some change.Luka began his rounds; he was on at 2:30.Jacob went up to the geriatric ward and played some ragtime for the old folks.Mom and Oliver came, and tried to console me.But I knew the truth.Olivia was gone, Daniel was dying, Maggie was crazy, and Jacob was… well, he was Jacob.

"Abby," Lydia said.

I sat up. "Yeah?"

I followed her out into the hallway where the isolation room was.Maggie was lying on the bed next to Daniel. "Oh," I breathed, getting angry.Maggie never deliberately disobeys an adult unless she feels it's absolutely necessary.

"Shh, it's okay," Lydia said. "Don't wake them." Both were fast asleep.

Daniel was moved to the pulmonary unit.Since no one could get Maggie to wake up and leave him, she went with him.I took Jacob home, and Mom and Oliver stayed with Maggie and Daniel.

"Danny's not coming home, is he?" Jacob asked.

"No," I said without even thinking. "No, I don't think he is." And then I gasped at what I had said.

"It's okay, Mom," Jacob said, and hugged me.

I started to cry.

Daniel Xavier Alexander Kovac drew his last, labored breath on January 7th, at 10:21 am.His sister, Maggie, was with him at the very end.So was Jacob.Olivia was not there.According to Alanna Madison, however, she could come to the funeral.

"Bye, Danny," Maggie said quietly, and kissed his forehead.She was very calm… too calm.

"Bye, Danny," Jacob repeated, crying into my skirt.

All those years I watched children dying had never prepared me for this: the death of my own child.And someday, maybe, I would watch Maggie, Jacob, and Olivia die.

Luka held me, and let me cry.Jacob cried with us.Maggie ran out of the room as soon as the nurses came in.

We had hit rock bottom.

The only way to go was _up._


	7. Maggie Learns to Fly

February was strange and quiet.We went on Saturdays to visit Olivia for a half hour.Maggie never went, and neither did Jacob.

One Sunday Maggie made oatmeal before we all woke up.Then, when we sat down at the table, she said, "I want to go to Rock Creek High School."

Luka coughed while drinking his juice. "Well, I don't know…"

Maggie had been attending the Sylvester P. Gobwhistle School for Handicapped Children.Rock Creek schools were Olivia and Daniel's domain.But Olivia was gone, and so was Daniel. "Why not?" she asked.

"Well, honey, it's just…" I didn't know how to finish the sentence.

"It's just `cause you think I can't do it."

"No," Luka and I hastened to say.

"But you don't like big places, and Rock Creek High is _huge!"_ Jacob said with wonder, as though imagining the school.

"I don't belong at the Gobwhistle School anyway, and you know it."

She didn't.She would have to learn to fly now, as a regular teenager at a regular high school.

Maggie came running home from school the very next Monday. "I love it!" she exploded before I could ask. "I _love_ it!"She grabbed my hands and swung me around the living room. "I love it, I love it, I love it!"

Luka came out, smiling. "You really like it, don't you?"

"I knew just about everything in my English class," she said with glee. "And the library is _huge_ and so is the cafeteria!"

"How are the people?" I asked.

Her face fell a few notches, then she said, "They're okay."

"How are they really?"

"Some are mean, but I made a new friend.Her name is Lizzie and can she come over tomorrow?"

"Okay," I said, laughing.It was the first time Ihad laughed that winter.

"And can we buy the house on McKinley Street again?"

_This_ was unexpected. "What?"  
"No one's bought it yet, and we loved that house."

She had a point, but… "Yes, we did.But we belong here." The words sounded flat even to me.

"No, we don't," she said, looking around the crowded, small house.

Luka and I smiled. "Okay."

Jacob came bursting in. "Did I miss anything?"

Somehow, Eliza Weaver came more into our life.She helped us pack for the move, and she tutored Maggie for an hour each day.

Eliza was Kerry's niece.Her father, Tom, had killed himself and his wife, Heather.Eliza had an older brother and sister, David (Davy) and Clarissa (Clarey), who were living in Florida with their great-aunt Juanita.Eliza was the spitting image of Kerry, though Kerry said she looked more like her father.She had Kerry's temper, too.

One day in March, we were finally finished packing.Eliza helped us load the last few boxes into the car.We walked through the house one last time.All the rooms were empty.Maggie went ahead of us into Daniel's room, went into the closet, pulled up a loose board, and took out a box. "Let's go," she said, and left the room.

That night, as we were sleeping amongst the boxes in the McKinley Street house, I found the box and emptied its contents into my lap.There were various action figures, some assorted comic books, a worn Bible.Daniel's Bankie – his security blanket – was in there, too.There were various pictures of Daniel.One was framed.It was a picture of Daniel and Maggie after Maggie's eighth grade graduation from the Gobwhistle School.Daniel was sitting in his wheelchair – he used it whenever he got too weak – and was wearing a suit with a red carnation stuck in his hanky pocket.Maggie had a blue dress on, and she had her arms wrapped around Daniel's neck.Both were grinning.

I emptied the rest of the box and found some wrapped candies, a birthday candle, and a white envelope with "Maggie" written on it in Daniel's bright printing.I didn't open the envelope.I didn't have to.

Maggie was a happier person from then on.She lived to go to school, and counted the hours until she could go back on the weekends.Lizzie remained her constant friend, but her circle of friends grew to include Hannah, Madeline, Ashley, and Grace.And Eliza, too, who always seemed to be the head conspirator in everything they did.

Jacob continued to go to St. Ludvig's, and he continued to love the piano.He got his first gig, playing at the geriatric ward of County.He was a charmer, and all the nurses loved him.

Luka worked.He threw himself into his work, but he knew when to let go, too.It refreshed him.He would be spontaneous and happy and lovable.

And I was me.I was still concerned about Maggie, missing Daniel….


	8. Abby Learns to Let Go

"Elizabeth told me about Yoga.She said she went every morning.So I went with her.

"At first I found it hard.Then I fell into the pattern of rhythmic breathing, and I was able to let go.I would feel refreshed and happy, calmer than before, after I got done.

"Maggie turned fourteen.She is growing up to be a pretty girl, and so smart!

"Jacob turned ten.He is a very handsome boy.He had a party with all of his "music nerd" friends from St. Ludvig's, and Henry Malucci, too.

"Olivia, based on notes we get, is doing well.There was a _small_ celebration for her sixteenth birthday.She's working with tutors and therapists, and seems to be doing okay.

"One Saturday, we asked special permission to bring Maggie and Jacob to see Olivia at Grammercy.Maggie sat still as stone and said 'yes' and 'no' robotically.Jacob was enthusiastic and practically tackled Olivia.Olivia was quieter, smaller somehow, and seemed to be going out of her way to make Maggie feel better.

"Gam Maggie and Pop-Oliver were married on June 17th.Jacob was the ring-bearer, and he also played some of the music.Maggie was just content to watch.

"She's doing better now, she's only on two meds a day.She's stopped being manic completely, and is hardly ever depressed.Changing schools made all the difference for her, Danny.

"Eliza Weaver, our little flame-haired pixie stick of trouble, went back to Montana for a visit.She came back very sad but a little happy."

I sat next to Daniel's grave and told him this.I smiled then, suddenly. "Danny, I heard a quote.Would you like to hear it?"

Rubbing my fingers over the cold stone, I said aloud, " 'In life, bad things will happen to everyone.This defines our character and divides us into two groups of people.The ones who accept the facts and hold on, or the ones who accept the facts and learn to let go along the way.And believe me, you don't want to be in the first group.'Kathryn Lewis Gregory.So what do you think, Danny?Should I let go?It seems to me that I once said that the only way to go was up."

Standing, I brushed off my pants.A lot had happened.We had cried, we had yelled, we had grieved, we had made mistakes and learned from them.But now it was time to let go.

And so I did.

Fin. 


End file.
